billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
