the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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