i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
