I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
