the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
