Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
