What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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