Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
