Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
