Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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