Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
