i would punch a child for taco bell
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
