she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So much rum. So many feels.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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