So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
