I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
