just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
