I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
