just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
