jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
