3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
