remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have surprise drugs for everyone
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
