you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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