I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
