Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need to calm my uterus...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My life is pants optional.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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