So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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