also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
