The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
