maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
