Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
