I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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