We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
