pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
