i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
