I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am one with the molecules
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
