Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
