erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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