someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
