didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
