I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
