i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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