I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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