i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
