These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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