Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
