Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
