i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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