We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
