I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
