cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
