I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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