As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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