What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
