Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize