Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
