VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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