Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
