I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We had to coat check the pizza.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
