It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
