She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
