i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
