so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it because I queefed?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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