he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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