butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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