She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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